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A Pamela
Bratsos
Armstrong
Memorial
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Website maintained by:
Bonnetta Shaw
For more information:
sheltara@comcast.net
Non-profit tax ID number:
76-0718112
Public charity status:
501 (c) (3)
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"If all the beasts were gone, Man would die of loneliness of spirit"
Photo Album of Pamela HERE
Pamela Bratsos Armstrong
August 29, 1960 - June 27, 1996
Pamela Bratsos Armstrong died on June 27, 1996 at age 35, a victim of domestic
violence. Pamela was the owner of Sheltara Kennels in Hanson, Massachusetts.
She was an animal activist, a volunteer for Chihuahua Rescue and a member of
several other animal groups that cared for and placed abused and abandoned
animals. Pamelas life revolved around her love of animals and her desire to
save and improve the lives of all creatures.
In the memory and spirit of Pamela, we founded the Pamela Bratsos Armstrong
Memorial, a humane trust to benefit animals. Among
other good works,
the Pamela Bratsos Armstrong Memorial includes the Sheltara Cat Haven and The Pamela
Bratsos Armstrong Memorial Scholarship. In addition, the Sheltara web site serves as
a network for animal adoption and as a
Humane Education resource referral
for educators and students. There is also an annual fundraiser to benefit local
animal shelters, which culminates on Pamelas birthday on August 29th.
The Memorial attempts to help animals in need due to the void left by the loss of
Pamela.
Shoes
From the Times News
October 18, 2007
Editor's note: The following is an essay written by Lysa Grant in memory of her friend, Pamela Bratsos Armstrong, who was murdered by her husband. The essay was originally included in the Sheltara Digest 2004, part of a fundraising effort for Sheltara Humane Society Inc., in Randolph, Mass., an organization formed in memory of Pamela. Barely a day goes by that Lysa doesn't think about her friend. Most of those memories are good ones. What helps, is a constant reminder of Pam, in the form of Lysa's daughter, Pamela June Grant, who ironically, was born five years ago on Pam's birthday, Aug. 29.
By Lysa Grant
Hey, those are my shoes!!
That is how I met Pamela Bratsos.
She was the new girl working at the pet store where I was manager.
I don't even remember the shoes now, but I know that they were purple and unique. Odd for two adult women to own, as they were childlike and brightly colored. But there they were. And there she was and we became fast friends.
Inseparable. And as we got to know each other better we knew that somehow we had always known each other. And we always would. There was a part of me in her as I held a part of her inside, too. We saw each other through marriage, divorce, moving, childbirth, dating, adoption, and eventually, death.
We worked at various pet stores around the area. Sometimes, she would manage me and sometimes I would be the manager. Just as in our personal lives, where one of us would always be the strong one for the other. We got to know each other's families and became part of them somehow.
I often attribute our meeting to the shoe thing, but really I know we were destined to meet eventually. Still, the shoe thing sticks in my head.
There is a line in the book/movie "The Shawshank Redemption" where the main character is able to escape prison, wearing shiny, new shoes. He explains, as he is walking past all the inmates, why nobody notices the shoes because "How often does a man look at another man's shoes?"
Well I did.
I guess it is really appropriate as I reminisce now about my friend who was killed at the hand of her husband in July of 1996. It was the week that I was to be married and I was having a terrible time dealing with everything that needed to be done while mourning for my loss. My shoes. I wanted everyone to be able to be in my shoes just for a moment so they could understand that this was not only the loss of a friend, but the loss of a piece of my life, my mind, my body.
I put myself in the shoes of her immediate family. Even that of her killer, my friend, her husband. Those were horrible shoes. He must have been on some heavy drugs. I cannot imagine being in those shoes at all. Her sister's shoes. Those were some strong, sturdy ones. She was there to comfort Pam's foster child and to help her parents make all the necessary arrangements.
Some shoes you just never will fit in. And some you don't even want to try. But when you meet someone, who has the same shoes, with perhaps slight differences here and there, jump up and say,
"Hey those are my shoes!"
You may be surprised how right you are.
Being loved to death
By KAREN CIMMS kcimms@tnonline.com
From the Times News
October 18, 2007
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Lysa Grant stands in her Penn Forest Township yard, holding a picture of her best friend, Pamela Bratsos Armstrong, who was murdered by her husband in a single act of domestic violence 11 years ago.
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Pamela Bratsos Armstrong's husband loved her very much.
In fact, he loved her so much, he would rather see her dead than to be with someone else.
So he killed her.
Pamela was loved by a lot of people her parents, her sister and brother, her friends and the people she worked with at her business, Sheltara Kennels in Hanson, Mass., as well as those from the many volunteer animal rescue groups with which she was involved.
She was also loved by her best friend, Lysa Grant, who today lives in Penn Forest Township.
Pamela was shot on June 24, 1996. She died several days later, on June 27. Her estranged husband, Richard Armstrong, claimed it was a suicide, saying she had been depressed about the stress of her business and the impending adoption of her 5-year-old foster child.
While Pamela was clinging to life in a Boston hospital, Lysa was in Missouri, preparing for her June 29 wedding to Rick Grant, and missing the person who was to have been her matron of honor.
Lysa did not believe Pamela's death was a suicide and neither did anyone else who knew her. Pamela and her husband had made a somewhat odd couple, she 35, and he 55. She was clever and street-smart, and he was floundering. Somewhat estranged from his family, he was in and out of trouble with the law for drug offenses. Just like she rescued lost and abandoned animals, she took on this lost soul. He doted on Pamela, and Lysa believes that may have explained her attraction to him.
"I trusted him," says Lysa. "I could see what Pam saw in him. Yet, you could see he was damaged. But he adored her and she loved that about him."
While everyone knew Armstrong loved her, Pamela's family also saw his behavior as obsessive, but no one ever believed he could hurt her. Especially Pam.
Following her death, Pamela's family did everything to clear her name, insisting she could not have committed suicide. Her father, a 30-year veteran of the Boston Police Department, was relentless in calling for a homicide investigation into his daughter's death.
The homicide ruling finally came, but not until after Armstrong took his own life four months later. His suicide note said nothing to shed light on his wife's death, and only asked that a friend care for his dog.
With more than 11 years of distance between those horrific events and her life today, Lysa has come to grips with Pamela's death.
At first, naturally, there was guilt. The day before she was shot, Pam and Lysa had agreed that Pam would skip the long-distance wedding, and the two would celebrate Lysa's marriage after she returned from her honeymoon. Lysa's first thoughts were had Pam come to Missouri, she would still be alive.
Then there was the act of trying to understand. She was convinced it was no suicide. She knew Pam had found someone new and she was looking forward to years ahead with her soon-to-be adopted daughter. But she was still having trouble trying to grasp that Richard, who had been her friend too, could have killed her best friend.
In fact, Lysa had been concerned that Richard would be so distraught over losing Pam, she was worried for his safety. Pam had also confided in her that she was certain he was back on drugs.
"I thought maybe he would kill himself," says Lysa. "I never thought that he would kill her."
While there may be a lot of lessons to take from this, there is one that stands out for Lysa, and that is that a person in an abusive or potentially abusive relationship, has to be able to see it for themselves. They have to be able to see the signs.
"Never think that somebody loves somebody so much that they could never kill them," says Lysa. "He would have rather seen her dead than gone.
"When people see someone else in this situation, it's not enough to say something. They have to be able to see it for themselves.
"You have to take your own responsibility."
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